Sunday, November 28, 2010
The Linear Heritage of Women is published!
Our book is now available on amazon.com through Kindle and paperback! You can also find it on Barnes and Noble, Books-A-Million, and Borders!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
How Do You Express Yourself?
For every woman, it is so important to have a favorite activity that is her own that no one else can touch - something that is precious to you and you alone. For those of us that are married or in a committed relationship, it is so important to have that "me" time that is not to be shared. Not only does this nuture you spiritually, but it improves your relationship with your significant other. Men appreciate women who are independent and don't need to be with them every second and doing what they're doing. I know that Andy loves to see me thrive in an activity that I enjoy doing by myself. He's even told me that's sexy!
For me, my activity that I love doing the most by myself is riding horses. I have been riding horses since I was seven years old. No one else shared this love of horses with me. It's always been my "thing." I also enjoy going on hikes in the woods by myself. I love to be quiet in the woods where I hear nothing but the birds, the wind through the trees, and the sound of my own breath.
Tell me about your self-expressions. I want to hear how you enjoy yourself - whether it's through painting, dancing, or singing by yourself when no one is around. Celebrate these things about yourself. They are what make you special as a woman.
For me, my activity that I love doing the most by myself is riding horses. I have been riding horses since I was seven years old. No one else shared this love of horses with me. It's always been my "thing." I also enjoy going on hikes in the woods by myself. I love to be quiet in the woods where I hear nothing but the birds, the wind through the trees, and the sound of my own breath.
Tell me about your self-expressions. I want to hear how you enjoy yourself - whether it's through painting, dancing, or singing by yourself when no one is around. Celebrate these things about yourself. They are what make you special as a woman.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
The Wheel of Domestic Violence
How do you know for sure if you or someone you love has been abused? Many of us that have been victims of abuse know how to answer this. We have been there and can better see the signs of abuse than someone who is not aware that they are in a bad situation.
I am hoping that this abuse wheel can shed some light on what is defined as abusive behavior. This behavior can come from anyone - you spouse, a parent, your church pastor, or even your own child (if they've reached a certain age, of course). Seen below is a diagram of the wheel of abuse taken from domesticviolence.org. Please visit this website for more information.
Notice how multifaceted abuse can be - not necessarily the "wife-beating" picture that most people have of obvious abuse.
I am hoping that this abuse wheel can shed some light on what is defined as abusive behavior. This behavior can come from anyone - you spouse, a parent, your church pastor, or even your own child (if they've reached a certain age, of course). Seen below is a diagram of the wheel of abuse taken from domesticviolence.org. Please visit this website for more information.
Notice how multifaceted abuse can be - not necessarily the "wife-beating" picture that most people have of obvious abuse.
If you know someone that is in a relationship that exhibits any of these characteristics (whether they be female or male) please have them call the National Hotline for Domestic Violence at 1-800-799-SAFE
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Does Abuse Ever Go Away?
To those of you (women) that have ever suffered abuse - whether it was from a stranger in the street, a casual aquaintance, a friend, or even a member of your own family: Let me assure you that you are not alone.
You may ask yourself, "Will I ever get over the pain of abuse?" The short answer is no. The pain will always be there. But, the fact is that getting over the pains of abuse are much more complicated than meets the eye. Over the years, I have dealt with every conceivable emotion regarding my abusive past - everything from hate to depression to confusion. Then, one day I realized that these emotions will always be there. There's nothing I can do to take away the pain from those memories. So, I learned that the best things to do are these:
1.) Cut off anyone or anything connected to your abusive past - especially the person that did the abusing.
2.) Whenever you get a flashback or nightmare, stop thinking about it and realize that this was in the past and you are ok now. Those memories cannot hurt you anymore. Also, hugs are nice when these things happen!
3.) Take self-defense classes or violence/abuse prevention classes to learn more about how you can avoid this type of treatment in the future (most victims of abuse unfortunately flock toward abusive people without realizing it). Taking these classes will empower you and give you the confidence you need to fight off anyone that would hurt you.
4.) Find a faith that works for you and that you sincerely believe in. Praying to God has always been an essential part of my life and my recovery. There were times I know that I would not be here if I had not relied on my faith and trusted in the mercy that I would be given.
5.) Don't think of yourself as a victim anymore. This pitiful behavior does not support recovery and continues to give your abuser power over your life. Instead, realize that your experiences made you the person that you are today. It shaped you into a strong and powerful woman - capable of doing anything!!
6.) Move forward. Moving forward and not dwelling on the past promotes a healthy attitude toward the abuse. Don't worry about latent memories that could come back to haunt you. Believe me, they will anyway without you wanting them to. But, the less you think about it and dwell on it, the less often they will happen.
7.) If certain situations or events make you uncomfortable, don't do it!! If something that your partner or friends want you to participate in, but you know it's going to trigger a flashback, don't do it! For me, watching horror movies or certain things on television will trigger these. So, I don't do it. I don't care if my friends think that I'm being irrational or silly. It's not silly to me, and that's all that matters.
8.) Remember: There's nothing wrong with you and none of this was your fault! Sometimes, people are just victims of circumstances that they cannot control. This is usually the case with abuse sufferers. In my case for example, I was a child that had no control of my situation. But, I still felt like that what happened was my fault. Guilt is a normal emotion for abusees to feel. But, you must accept that whoever this person was that abused you was just wrong! YOU were the one that was right!
9.) Recovery is a lifelong process. But, if you keep your head high and have faith, things will get better! Change is inevitable in a person's life. If you are in a situation now where you are being abused, there are so many ways out! There are many options that are available to you such as shelters and churches that will take you in at no charge. Once you realize that you are being abused, that is a huge step. The next one will be what you plan to do about it. You have to decide when you need a change in your life.Will you have the courage to take that step?
I have dedicated the rest of my life to helping other women that are victims of all kinds of abuse. This is how I believe God is healing me. My husband and I teach self-defense and domestic violence classes to women in our community. I want to make sure that as many women as possible have the knowledge to protect themselves from assailants and abusers alike - a knowledge I wish I would have had 20 years ago.
In my next post, I'll go over the Domestic Violence Abuse Wheel. It's a good check to make sure that you are not in an abusive relationship.
You may ask yourself, "Will I ever get over the pain of abuse?" The short answer is no. The pain will always be there. But, the fact is that getting over the pains of abuse are much more complicated than meets the eye. Over the years, I have dealt with every conceivable emotion regarding my abusive past - everything from hate to depression to confusion. Then, one day I realized that these emotions will always be there. There's nothing I can do to take away the pain from those memories. So, I learned that the best things to do are these:
1.) Cut off anyone or anything connected to your abusive past - especially the person that did the abusing.
2.) Whenever you get a flashback or nightmare, stop thinking about it and realize that this was in the past and you are ok now. Those memories cannot hurt you anymore. Also, hugs are nice when these things happen!
3.) Take self-defense classes or violence/abuse prevention classes to learn more about how you can avoid this type of treatment in the future (most victims of abuse unfortunately flock toward abusive people without realizing it). Taking these classes will empower you and give you the confidence you need to fight off anyone that would hurt you.
4.) Find a faith that works for you and that you sincerely believe in. Praying to God has always been an essential part of my life and my recovery. There were times I know that I would not be here if I had not relied on my faith and trusted in the mercy that I would be given.
5.) Don't think of yourself as a victim anymore. This pitiful behavior does not support recovery and continues to give your abuser power over your life. Instead, realize that your experiences made you the person that you are today. It shaped you into a strong and powerful woman - capable of doing anything!!
6.) Move forward. Moving forward and not dwelling on the past promotes a healthy attitude toward the abuse. Don't worry about latent memories that could come back to haunt you. Believe me, they will anyway without you wanting them to. But, the less you think about it and dwell on it, the less often they will happen.
7.) If certain situations or events make you uncomfortable, don't do it!! If something that your partner or friends want you to participate in, but you know it's going to trigger a flashback, don't do it! For me, watching horror movies or certain things on television will trigger these. So, I don't do it. I don't care if my friends think that I'm being irrational or silly. It's not silly to me, and that's all that matters.
8.) Remember: There's nothing wrong with you and none of this was your fault! Sometimes, people are just victims of circumstances that they cannot control. This is usually the case with abuse sufferers. In my case for example, I was a child that had no control of my situation. But, I still felt like that what happened was my fault. Guilt is a normal emotion for abusees to feel. But, you must accept that whoever this person was that abused you was just wrong! YOU were the one that was right!
9.) Recovery is a lifelong process. But, if you keep your head high and have faith, things will get better! Change is inevitable in a person's life. If you are in a situation now where you are being abused, there are so many ways out! There are many options that are available to you such as shelters and churches that will take you in at no charge. Once you realize that you are being abused, that is a huge step. The next one will be what you plan to do about it. You have to decide when you need a change in your life.Will you have the courage to take that step?
I have dedicated the rest of my life to helping other women that are victims of all kinds of abuse. This is how I believe God is healing me. My husband and I teach self-defense and domestic violence classes to women in our community. I want to make sure that as many women as possible have the knowledge to protect themselves from assailants and abusers alike - a knowledge I wish I would have had 20 years ago.
In my next post, I'll go over the Domestic Violence Abuse Wheel. It's a good check to make sure that you are not in an abusive relationship.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
10 Steps to Overcoming PMS
1.) Realize that it's OK to have PMS symptoms. It's perfectly normal and healthy for a woman!
2.) Yeah, PMS is R...E...A...L!!! Don't let that pesky friend or family member tell you that you're just making it up to get attention. They've obviously never experienced PMS before and they're probably a man.
3.) If you get overwhelmed by emotions, it's OK!! Just be aware that it's your hormones making you feel so angry that you want to pop everyone's head off like a pimple. Realize that these feelings are temporary and they will go away when your period is over!
4.) Go away by yourself for a little while. Take a hot bath, read a book in a quiet room, work out in the gym. Just get away from everyone! See? That way, nobody can piss you off!
5.) For cramps, stop all alcohol, caffiene, salt, and sugar until your period is over. Drink Red Raspberry leaf tea with Rose Hip leaves. This has been a ancient remedy for uterus contractions and cramps for generations.
6.) For fatigue: Exercise actually helps if you can muster the strength to get up off the couch. (THIS IS HARD!!) Trust me, it can really help. Also, take an extra multivitamin to boost your energy and replace all that iron you're losing in the blood.
7.) For headaches: Ice packs on the head help me, as well as some peace and quiet and Tylenol!
8.) Accept that periods are a normal and healthy occurrance. To fight the hormones taking over your body every month is just going to make it worse for you mentally and physically. Learn to let go of your control and just let your body do what it needs to do!
9.) For all the above items that require you to spend time away from your kids: It's ok to need mommy time away from them once in a while. Get a family member or spouse to look after them for at least an hour so that you can recharge and get your PMS under control.
10.) Ask your husband or partner to please understand that each month you go through PMS you may need some emotional and physical support during this time -- not unlike when you are pregnant! Explain ahead of time (before the raging mad woman comes out) that you may say and do things that seem angry or hateful. Remind them to please know that it is nothing personal. Say, "I am just being a woman and it is natural for my hormones to make me feel these things. I apologize ahead of time for anything like that that may happen." Ask your partner to say or do certain things like give you a hug when you get angry or say things like, "I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now and I know that I could never imagine what you are experiencing. But, don't worry. These feelings will go away soon and we'll get through them together."
2.) Yeah, PMS is R...E...A...L!!! Don't let that pesky friend or family member tell you that you're just making it up to get attention. They've obviously never experienced PMS before and they're probably a man.
3.) If you get overwhelmed by emotions, it's OK!! Just be aware that it's your hormones making you feel so angry that you want to pop everyone's head off like a pimple. Realize that these feelings are temporary and they will go away when your period is over!
4.) Go away by yourself for a little while. Take a hot bath, read a book in a quiet room, work out in the gym. Just get away from everyone! See? That way, nobody can piss you off!
5.) For cramps, stop all alcohol, caffiene, salt, and sugar until your period is over. Drink Red Raspberry leaf tea with Rose Hip leaves. This has been a ancient remedy for uterus contractions and cramps for generations.
6.) For fatigue: Exercise actually helps if you can muster the strength to get up off the couch. (THIS IS HARD!!) Trust me, it can really help. Also, take an extra multivitamin to boost your energy and replace all that iron you're losing in the blood.
7.) For headaches: Ice packs on the head help me, as well as some peace and quiet and Tylenol!
8.) Accept that periods are a normal and healthy occurrance. To fight the hormones taking over your body every month is just going to make it worse for you mentally and physically. Learn to let go of your control and just let your body do what it needs to do!
9.) For all the above items that require you to spend time away from your kids: It's ok to need mommy time away from them once in a while. Get a family member or spouse to look after them for at least an hour so that you can recharge and get your PMS under control.
10.) Ask your husband or partner to please understand that each month you go through PMS you may need some emotional and physical support during this time -- not unlike when you are pregnant! Explain ahead of time (before the raging mad woman comes out) that you may say and do things that seem angry or hateful. Remind them to please know that it is nothing personal. Say, "I am just being a woman and it is natural for my hormones to make me feel these things. I apologize ahead of time for anything like that that may happen." Ask your partner to say or do certain things like give you a hug when you get angry or say things like, "I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now and I know that I could never imagine what you are experiencing. But, don't worry. These feelings will go away soon and we'll get through them together."
Saturday, October 24, 2009
What is women's heritage?
Have you ever wondered why women are the way they are? Perhaps strange things have happened to you that you cannot explain. Do you sometimes feel like no one understands you - even your husband, sisters, or mother? This may be because a lot of women have forgotten who they are. They turn to the media, superficial individuals, doctors, professors, and hard-core feminists to dictate how a woman should look, behave, and carry herself in society and at home.
How many of us have seen gorgeous women on TV and wondered why we can't look like them? What about the times of the month we when we feel terrible and our husbands turn away from us because they are "freaked-out" by our "outrageous" behavior? We watch television shows all the time that portray us as crazy individuals that have no control over our emotions and are just raging hormones that are out to seize power in the workplace and in the home.
But, are we really like that? I think the answer is no. It's not that we want to rule to world and take over the men. On the contrary, I believe that we need men very much - but not in the way that you probably think. I have spoken with many feminists that believe men are out to get us and that we have to be "superwomen" - acting and behaving more like men so that they will bow to us and respect our authority. When in reality, that is not what is best for us.
Why do you think many men do not understand us? Is it because they are ignorant, insensitive, and incapable of understand our needs? No, but it is important that we educate men on how we think and how our brains work as compared to theirs. Also, we must understand how their minds work and be more aware of how we communicate to men. It is only through clear communication practices with men that we will understand them better and gain more of their admiration and respect.
For example, how do we expect to gain men's respect when we go around exploiting ourselves sexually? When we do this, we are tapping into a side of the man's brain that is non-responsive to anything else but sex. He is not thinking about anything else. He will not listen to anything that you are saying except what is on your body. Men's minds are very one-tracked. They cannot multi-task well and do not express themselves emotionally - in general. We must accept this as women and keep this in mind when interacting with men.
On the other hand, men must also be aware that women are very much attached to nature - much more so than they are. This is a beautiful gift that is handed down to us from mother to daughter through the forces of LifeConscious. Because of our ability to have children, we are the carriers of LifeConscious and all the innate memories of our human species. Although this is a gift we alone possess, it also comes with consequences - some of them good and some of them bad. For instance, some of us have very difficult menstrual cycles, difficult pregnancies, severe headaches, more aches and pains, and many more cases of depression and mental illness. As we mention in our book, these trials are noted throughout history and recognized in many cultures as Satan, demonic possession, multiple personality disorder, and practices of witchcraft, to name a few.
There has always been a mystery shrouded around women and the special gifts that only they seem to possess. Why is it that some of us may see things as children that we often forget about as adults (such as people that have passed away, angels, voices of animals, etc.), while these incidents are not as common with boys. Why do we sometimes think that we are crazy when we see different faces in the mirror occasionally, sense when things are going to happen before they happen, or have "gut" feelings about a person before you even meet them? As you will read in our book, these abilities are not from the Devil or anything else to be afraid of or stay away from. These abilities are gifts that are a part of you that are passed down from generation to generation. Perhaps many of you may not want to admit it, but most (if not all) of these things have happened to you at one time in your life or another. Maybe you've forgotten about these gifts because as a child, you were taught to believe that they were not real - that these were imaginary fantasies only.
In The Linear Heritage of Women, we will explain why these abilities occur in women. We will talk about how these special gifts became so prominent in women and why they have been repressed more and more throughout the centuries. We will talk about how we believe many women are misdiagnosed for psychological illnesses when they are simply exhibiting their naturally given abilities - just with a severe lack of control over them. We give encouragement for being who you are and not being afraid to go with your feelings and that there is nothing wrong with you. Men can also read our book and better understand why women are the way they are. We hope that men can learn some things and be able to better communicate with the women in their lives. We want them to appreciate the struggles and trials that women have gone through over the centuries. At the same time, we want women to feel comfortable with who they are and not feel like they need to compete with men in the home or out in the world. Men and women are like apples and oranges. We both grow on trees, but we are a totally different fruit. We must learn to accept that we come from different trees and learn to grow together with similar seeds sown.
Anyone is welcome to contact us with any questions or comments about their experiences as a woman and we will be more than happy to help anyone that is struggling. Being a woman is never easy and is seldom understood. We are here to help - not matter where you come from, what religious background you are, or what lifestyle you have chosen.
How many of us have seen gorgeous women on TV and wondered why we can't look like them? What about the times of the month we when we feel terrible and our husbands turn away from us because they are "freaked-out" by our "outrageous" behavior? We watch television shows all the time that portray us as crazy individuals that have no control over our emotions and are just raging hormones that are out to seize power in the workplace and in the home.
But, are we really like that? I think the answer is no. It's not that we want to rule to world and take over the men. On the contrary, I believe that we need men very much - but not in the way that you probably think. I have spoken with many feminists that believe men are out to get us and that we have to be "superwomen" - acting and behaving more like men so that they will bow to us and respect our authority. When in reality, that is not what is best for us.
Why do you think many men do not understand us? Is it because they are ignorant, insensitive, and incapable of understand our needs? No, but it is important that we educate men on how we think and how our brains work as compared to theirs. Also, we must understand how their minds work and be more aware of how we communicate to men. It is only through clear communication practices with men that we will understand them better and gain more of their admiration and respect.
For example, how do we expect to gain men's respect when we go around exploiting ourselves sexually? When we do this, we are tapping into a side of the man's brain that is non-responsive to anything else but sex. He is not thinking about anything else. He will not listen to anything that you are saying except what is on your body. Men's minds are very one-tracked. They cannot multi-task well and do not express themselves emotionally - in general. We must accept this as women and keep this in mind when interacting with men.
On the other hand, men must also be aware that women are very much attached to nature - much more so than they are. This is a beautiful gift that is handed down to us from mother to daughter through the forces of LifeConscious. Because of our ability to have children, we are the carriers of LifeConscious and all the innate memories of our human species. Although this is a gift we alone possess, it also comes with consequences - some of them good and some of them bad. For instance, some of us have very difficult menstrual cycles, difficult pregnancies, severe headaches, more aches and pains, and many more cases of depression and mental illness. As we mention in our book, these trials are noted throughout history and recognized in many cultures as Satan, demonic possession, multiple personality disorder, and practices of witchcraft, to name a few.
There has always been a mystery shrouded around women and the special gifts that only they seem to possess. Why is it that some of us may see things as children that we often forget about as adults (such as people that have passed away, angels, voices of animals, etc.), while these incidents are not as common with boys. Why do we sometimes think that we are crazy when we see different faces in the mirror occasionally, sense when things are going to happen before they happen, or have "gut" feelings about a person before you even meet them? As you will read in our book, these abilities are not from the Devil or anything else to be afraid of or stay away from. These abilities are gifts that are a part of you that are passed down from generation to generation. Perhaps many of you may not want to admit it, but most (if not all) of these things have happened to you at one time in your life or another. Maybe you've forgotten about these gifts because as a child, you were taught to believe that they were not real - that these were imaginary fantasies only.
In The Linear Heritage of Women, we will explain why these abilities occur in women. We will talk about how these special gifts became so prominent in women and why they have been repressed more and more throughout the centuries. We will talk about how we believe many women are misdiagnosed for psychological illnesses when they are simply exhibiting their naturally given abilities - just with a severe lack of control over them. We give encouragement for being who you are and not being afraid to go with your feelings and that there is nothing wrong with you. Men can also read our book and better understand why women are the way they are. We hope that men can learn some things and be able to better communicate with the women in their lives. We want them to appreciate the struggles and trials that women have gone through over the centuries. At the same time, we want women to feel comfortable with who they are and not feel like they need to compete with men in the home or out in the world. Men and women are like apples and oranges. We both grow on trees, but we are a totally different fruit. We must learn to accept that we come from different trees and learn to grow together with similar seeds sown.
Anyone is welcome to contact us with any questions or comments about their experiences as a woman and we will be more than happy to help anyone that is struggling. Being a woman is never easy and is seldom understood. We are here to help - not matter where you come from, what religious background you are, or what lifestyle you have chosen.
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